Fantasy football is just a big ol' tease.
I just can't get over the hump when it comes to fantasy football, I guess. The title has eluded me for the past four years, including this year. I lost in the finals by a score of 155.40-120.30. Pretty disappointing stuff. And I lost to NKOTB!, which makes losing even worse-sounding than it usually is.
And I wouldn't be so mad about it, except I was pretty confident that I was going to have a good shot of winning it all this year. Not overly-confident, just confident enough. I had the best team with the best players, they were all playing very well, my regular season record was 10-3, and Yahoo had "projected" me to win the title by a score of 201-174. Everything was on my side, or so I thought.
Then everyone on my team decided to give a half-ass effort all on the same exact week.
There isn't a lot to say to explain why I didn't win. I guess they didn't get my text messages telling them all that I was playing for the title this week.
So thanks a lot team, you really came through for me this week. Thanks a lot Thomas Jones, you asshole. Could you run for maybe a little more than 58 yards this last week? Maybe score a touchdown too while you're at it? Weren't you supposed to save the NY Jets this year? Well you saved them from one thing for sure...making the playoffs. Yeah, you jerk. I drafted you with my 3rd pick, and this is how you repay me? I was there for you man! And you pay me back by scoring only ONE touchdown in FIFTEEN games? Geez man, you. are. a. horrible. football. player. You are CFL-bound buddy, have fun with that.
And thanks a lot Carson Palmer. You pretty boy punk. Aren't you a quarterback? What is that thing that quarterbacks are supposed to do again?? Oh yeah -- throw touchdowns. I don't think their supposed to throw interceptions all the time either, you a-hole. So thanks a lot for the last six games you gave me -- 7 touchdowns, 9 interceptions -- let me tell you, it really helped man. Like, helped tons. I think I would have been better off starting Cleo Lemon the second half of the season.
Oh and Tom Brady. You're not excluded from this. Dude, I know you say you don't really care about the overall TD record and breaking it this year (even though we all know you really do care), but throw some more damn touchdowns man! Why did you have to just stop playing in the middle of the Miami game?? What the hell is up with that? Thanks, you jerk. It's the friggin Miami Dolphins! If you are so good, prove it! Throw, like 9 touchdowns on them! You know you can! Run up the score already! You threw SIX touchies on them last time you played them, and all you could do this time was three touchdowns?? That's weak bro. Real weak.
So besides the big dumps that Jones, Palmer and Brady all took on me simultaneously this past week, I owe at least some of my loss to unusually good performances by, of all people, Dallas Clark and Kenny Watson.
Dallas Clark, you have NO business catching two touchdowns and getting 60 yards receiving. You are a white guy and you are also a fat walrus.
And Kenny Watson. Well I don't even want to start with Kenny Watson. I mean, has anyone even heard of Kenny Watson?? You play for Cincinnati and no one knows who you are. Why don't you just quit playing football and shut up.
Anyway, that is all of the angst that I have about this past week. I am sorry for being such a downer, but now I've gotten it all out and I should be healthier because of it. So for the past four seasons, I have finished 2nd, 3rd, 3rd and 2nd. So in 2008, 3rd place here I come! One final thought--the first picture I found of Thomas Jones (above) was of him fumbling the football. Oh the irony.
