The following happened to me about two years back. It wasn't very pleasant at the time, but it makes for good storytelling. And I haven't done that in a while on this blog. Here we go...
My buddy Jake invites me to go to a baseball game with him after work on a random Monday night. I was totally down with doing this, it sounded freaking awesome. But we wanted to find a couple other people to come to the game with us, since we had two extra tickets. Ideally, these would be girls and not dudes. I try to invite only chicks to hang with me when possible. This is sorta a policy that I try to adhere to as much as humanly possible.
So I call up this girl I know, Lisa. Lisa was pretty hot, so she was naturally the first one I called. She had something else going on and couldn't make it at the last minute. But she gave me two other names of chicks I could call up. One of the names she gave me was Jessica's.
I usually don't just call random chicks up out of the blue and ask them to baseball games (this sometimes can be really weird), so we had one of our friends, Stacy, call and invite Jessica and her friend Mary to come to the game with us. This was going to be pretty cool, since it'd been ages since I had hung out with any new chicks. And I was definitely in the mood to meet some new ladies. So we went to the game. (I could blog about the night of the game and how cool it was, but it would take way too long. Maybe another time.)
Long story short, we had an awesome time with the girls at the game.
We both kind of hit it off with the girls actually. Which was a pleasant surprise, because we were out with these girls and what was pretty much a full on blind date. It was pretty cool. There wasn't anything specific that stood out about the date, just that we were having a really good time. I don't think either of these girls had been to a baseball game before, so they were definitely having a good time. We were making them laugh pretty good, and we were each laying on the charm pretty thick.
Then Jake and I had the great idea of hanging out with these same two girls the very next night. Our line of thinking was "Why not, we had a blast with em last nite." Good enough reasoning for me. One of these girls is a girl that I had wanted to meet for a little while, so I was happy to be hanging out with her for the second time in two nights. But being smarter than the average dude, I wasn't getting my hopes up or anything like that. I've been down the "get-your-hopes-up-only-to-have-them-violently-and-mercilessly-
smashed-by-the-girl-you-wanted-to-meet" road one too many times. I wasn't falling for that one again.
Anyway, so Jake hooked it all up -- we were going to go to one of those cheesy haunted houses (this was in October) with Jessica and Mary. He texted me the plans and I was going to meet them after I got out of class. Done deal.
So we meet, and decide to all go in my car. Which is fine, except my car is a hunk of junk. Oh well, it runs good enough. So we leave. We're driving along, heading towards the outskirts of town, where things like haunted houses are usually located. So we find out the haunted house is closed or doesn't even exist or something. I think Jake was just winging it when he planned on taking us all to this haunted house. I couldn't blame him, I would have winged it too.
So after discovering that we were in the middle of freaking nowhere and the haunted house did not exist, we decide to head out into the sticks even further. Turns out Jessica knew of some really big field that we could run around at night in. When we got there, it looked as though we were going to be playing that one game, you know, called "try to avoid the shotgun blasts from the property owner." This could turn out extremely good or extremely bad, people.
But I didn't have anything better planned, and we were just chilling with these two chicks, so who was I to complain.
Let me back up real quickly here. A very funny thing happened in the car ride on the way to the haunted house. And when I say that, I mean funny in the "it-was-not-funny-in-the-slightest" kind of way.
Wait -- let me back up even more. Remember Monday night, the baseball game? After the game, Jake texts me and asks me for Jessica's phone number. I am guessing he wanted to text her and tell them that we had an awesome time blah blah blah. Something like that. Ya know, butter them up a little. There's gotta be some sort of follow-up.
So I sent the phone number to him. I never thought this whole phone number situation would get me in trouble the next night, Tuesday.
So we're driving and Jessica asks Jake how he got her number, because obviously he texted her the previous night. "Oh I got it from Drew." Ok fair enough. That was completely true. From there it got a little bit toward the awkward side. She asks me where I got it from, and I say "Well Lisa gave it to me. She suggested that we take you two to the game with us tonight."
Now you might think she was asking all this because she was somehow creeped out about how we randomly got her number. Some girls will do this. But no, she was just wondering how her number was passed around. Fair enough. I mean, maybe she was kind of creeped out, I don't know. All I know is that she wasn't acting all creeped out at all.
So I tell her I got it from Lisa, which is the utter truth. Now remember, I didn't obtain Jessica's digits in a any ulterior or weird way. Lisa offered it to me. It wasn't like I said "oooooh that Jessica girl is really freakin hot, can I have her number Lisa? I want to call her randomly outta the blue sometime." Folks, I barely even knew who Jessica was before Monday night. In fact, I hadn't even said one word to her.
So I tell her that I got her phone number from Lisa. Done and done. I thought the question had been resolved adequately.
Then, for some unknown mystery reason, Jake decides to chime in. It went something like this..."Yeah and Drew was too scared to call you, so he had call you and invite you to come to the game with us." Wait a minute here...what. Wow dude. That was not. very. cool. Oh and really manly sounding too. At that point, everything said became a blur to me. All I know is that it got really really awkward instantly. But not for Jake, I mean he was fine. No skin off his back. He wasn't the one "who was too scared" to call her up, right?
Dude, totally not cool.
So instantly, I was the "weird, lame, creepy guy." And there was nothing I could do about it. I tried to recover but it was pointless. There is no going back from something like this. She was just like "Oh." And just so it's clear, in this instance, "Oh" must mean something like "Get me outta this car now, I am in the car with some random creepy dude." It was the worst possible thing that could have happened at that point in time. And it just killed the rest of the night for me.
I wasn't laying the charm on particularly thick with this girl, but I had no mojo at all from that point forward. I even tested the flirting waters, but she was not having any of it. Re-jected!
And you all know as well as I do, that this isn't just a one-week thing. This kind of thing doesn't leave the memory banks of most women. I now have no shot to call up this Jessica girl ever ever ever again. And that sorta sucks, she seemed fun.
If I were giving lessons on "Wingman etiquette", my lesson would be the polar opposite of what I have just told you in every way, shape and form. Jake had not only taken my balls from me, he had ripped them off of my body at that instant and threw them out the window. And I was hurtin.
Come to think of it, Jake actually owes me money. Because in our country when you get a ride, you pay your cabbie. And that is pretty much all I was for Jake and his two dates. Oh and after we got to the big open field, it all kind of went downhill from there...
