My Thoughts On The Blazers' Moves At The Trade Deadline, And What Has Happened Since

I haven't had the pleasure of posting here in quite some time, so I feel the need to reflect on what has happened to the Blazers in the last month or so.

Personally, I'm not sure what to make of what the Trail Blazers did at the trading deadline yet, but at least it was interesting, right?

On March 15, 2012, the Blazers dramatically and definitively changed the course of the entire franchise.  They shipped Gerald Wallace to New Jersey.  Not long after that, they sent Marcus Camby to Houston.  Then, if you had any question about how serious the Blazers were about shaking things up, head coach Nate McMillan was canned.

For Wallace, the Nets sent Portland their 2012 first round draft pick, Mehmet Okur, and Shawne Williams.  And for Camby, the Blazers became the proud owners of Jonny Flynn and Hasheem Thabeet.  By design, none of the players they got back seemed to be part of the future in Portland.  All except that nice little first round pick in 2012.  That pick was most likely what the Blazers brass started out the day targeting.

Oh and in what seemed like a cherry on top of the dismantling-of-the-team sundae, Portland released Greg Oden to make room for the players that were sent back in the trades.

Can This Thing Get Any Worse For The Blazers?

Well, the short answer is yes.  Of course things could get worse.  Things can always get worse.

Last night, I didn't watch a minute of the game (if you want to refer to it as that) between Portland and the "woeful" Washington Wizards (not that bad, are they now Blazer fans?!).  I switched cable companies a few months back, so I don't have Comcast SportsNet at home.  The only thing I miss about not having Comcast, is not having Comcast SportsNet.  But last night, I was actually thankful that I had no access to watch the horror that unfolded last night at the Rose Garden.

I checked the score on my phone, and was just disgusted by what I saw.  If two days off, followed by a home game with a team with one of the worst records in the NBA can't get a little bit of the team's mojo and confidence back, then sadly, you're running out of options of things that can help get the mojo back.

I don't know what it is, but there is definitely a problem with this team.  Something isn't clicking.  I don't know specifically who is to blame.  Honestly, the only person I would say is holding up their end of the bargain is Aldridge.  That last sentence also includes the coaches, as well as the players.  No one is free from blame, except maybe Aldridge.

Least Creative Sports Team Mascot Ever?

For all you hockey fans out there in the world today, this post is for you!  Seriously, just this post.  This is it.  The only hockey post I'll write for probably the next year.  Unless they come out with the National Hot Chicks Hockey League or something like that (this surely ain't it) in the next year or so.  If that happens, we will probably be writing many, many posts about hockey.  But that is neither here nor there.   

So for all those that haven't heard (and where the hell have you been living if you haven't), the Portland Winterhawks are currently battling their way through the WHL playoffs and are in the finals.  The FINALS PEOPLE!  They are playing Kootenay, and the series is tied 1-1 right now.  If you don't believe me, see for yourself.

I'm not trying to be too harsh here, but the mascot for the hockey team based in Kootenay is the ice.  And I think it's the dumbest mascot in the world.  No you're not reading that wrong.  That is not a typo.  Nothing else, just ice.  That's it.  Not Icemen, or Icemonsters, or Icedogs.  Just ice.  And that, my friends, is uncreatively dumb enough to earn the award for Least Creative Sports Team Mascot Ever.  Now no, that is not an official award or anything, nor is there an award for that is existence yet, but if there was...you get the picture.

It's like calling a baseball team the Portland "Baseball Diamonds" or a football team the Oregon "Football Fields".  It deserves to get mocked incessantly for at least a day and a half, right?

I have to get going now.  I can't miss the tip off of the Oakland "Basketball Courts" game.  They're my favorite team.  Oh wait, scratch that, I might have to DVR that game, because I just saw that there's a rugby match on between the Auckland "Rugby Fields" and the Wellington "Rugby Pitches".  It's a totally fierce rivalry and stuff.  I can't wait!

Rant Of The Day: Isaac And Suke Love Zach Randolph And Think The Blazers Made A Mistake By Trading Him Away

Yesterday, on Primetime, Isaac & Suke had an interesting take on Zach Randolph.  I was sitting, listening to the show at work, and I have to admit, it got me a little fired up.  I texted the show a couple of times, but my texts were never addressed or read.  So I decided to post my opinion on the topic here, since I have that luxury.

I'm not quite sure what brought about the topic of Zach Randolph on yesterday's show, but I'm assuming it has something to do with the magical playoff run that Randolph is currently having with the Memphis Grizzlies.  On their website yesterday, they also had a poll question asking "Would you welcome Zach Randolph back to the Blazers?"  Contrary to what you might be thinking right now, no, this was not some sort of fake poll question or April Fool's Day joke.  It was a real poll question that someone actually came up with.  And I guess the poll question was of the theorhetical variety too, because it's not like Randolph is going to be a free agent any time soon.  In fact, he just signed a contract extension with Memphis.       

I can't find the actual audio anywhere, so I can't put the direct quotes up here.  But here are some of the points they were making, paraphrased of course.  If anyone has a better recollection or direct quotes, feel free to correct me.

The New Orleans Hornets And 7-Up Team Up To Give Away The Worst Prize Ever

On Friday, at halftime of the Lakers-Hornets game in New Orleans, a fan pulled off the improbable feat of hitting a layup, free throw, three-pointer and a half court shot.  This kind of accomplishment is done only a few times per NBA season, and is quite impressive.  So what kind of awesomeness did the fan win?

According to CNBC's Darren Rovell, they won the "worst prize in NBA promotion history": a year's supply of 7-up.  Yep, that's it.  And after Rovell breaks the numbers down, it's even worse than the worst prize in NBA promotion history.  Far, far worse.

Well, the Hornets and 7-Up determined that a year supply isn't even a can a day. The team told me they gave the winner coupons that allow him to redeem two 12-packs of 7-Up for 12 months. That's 288 cans. You can find it for cheaper, but retail price for a 12-pack is about $3.99. That means that the poor guy's prize was worth $95.76. But at least, thanks to the coupons, he doesn't have to pay tax on that.

Rovell also notes that this makes not only 7-up and the Hornets look really bad, but also the NBA, since they technically own the Hornets right now.  If I was this fan, I'd sure be pissed.

Mark Cuban Sounds Like A Really Cool Guy. Or Not.

One day, folks.  That's all it took Mark Cuban's douchiness to get him in the headlines again.  Saw this nugget posted on Blazersedge.com, where longtime Portland reporter Kerry Eggers had an interesting exchange with Cuban after the infamous Game 4.

Here is Eggers' account of what transpired.

Cuban had made the news when he got hit by some sort of projectile in the fourth quarter of Game 3 at the Rose Garden. I’d heard some repartee between the Mavericks’ colorful owner and Blazer fans may have precipitated it, but the only quote I’d seen from him was, “Somebody hit me in the face. Somebody threw something and it hit me.”

I started the interview by asking Cuban if he knew what hit him.  “I got hit by something,” he said, pleasantly enough. “All I know is the pretty lady next to me jumped, something hit me in my face and that was it.”  Any idea what the object was?  Suddenly, Cuban’s mood darkened to the color of the Dallas sky (tornado warnings) that afternoon.

No Matter How Rich Or Famous You Are, You Should NOT Be Allowed To Dress Like This In Public

Evan Longoria Needs To Get A Haircut

From what I can remember, Rays 3B Evan Longoria started growing his mullet at the end of last season (?).  At least I think that's when it started.  As you can see, it looks like he is still currently rocking the mullet. 

Okay, I get the novelty of the mullet.  I get why dudes grow mullets.  Most of the time, it's pretty funny actually.  But only for so long.

We are all aware of when Jared Allen rocked his mullet.  But before he was to get married, he cut it off.  I've had two of my good friends grow mullets.  But after about a month and a half, they both cut it off.  See, with something like a mullet, or a crazy beard, or even a badass mustache, the novelty wears off eventually.  Sometimes you need to get rid of it so the coolness of it stays fresh. 

Evan Longoria, it's officially been too long man.

Couple more photos after the jump...

The A-Hole That Killed Auburn's Beloved Trees Is Having A Hard Time Finding A Lawyer That Doesn't Hate Him

Call me heartless, but I don't have one ounce of sympathy for this guy, Harvey Updyke.  From everything I've seen or read on this guy, he seems like kind of a prick.  The original prick move was poisoning those dumb trees, but you can really class up the joint by flipping the bird to the local news camera crew while sitting in the back of a squad car.  Nicely done, Harvey.

According to AL.com, the third public defender that was assigned to represent Mr. Updyke, asked to be removed from the case, citing a conflict of interest.  According to the article, "Jerry M. Blevins, who was hired as Updyke's attorney last Friday, filed a motion Tuesday afternoon asking to be removed from the case. He's the third defense attorney to ask to be removed......Blevins, in court papers, said he asked to be removed because an "irreconcilable conflict arose" between he and Updyke."  Turns out that if you live in or around the town of Auburn, Alabama, it's pretty hard to find a lawyer without a) ties to Auburn University or b) who is not a fan of Auburn football.  Go figure.

If I was asked to be this guy's lawyer, the only "conflict of interest" that I would cite is that he's an asshole. (Zing!)  On the flipside, some people are making the lives of these trees to be equal to, like, the lives of actual human beings.  And that's kind of out there, I mean, c'mon people.  They are freaking trees.  

Still, I stick to my original point that this guy should get a few years of jail time just because of how stupid he is, not necessarily for what he did.  Oh and the only TV he gets to watch is playing a continuous loop of Auburn's 24-23 comeback victory against Alabama in this past season's Iron Bowl.  Now that would be a worthy punishment.

[ AL.com story ]

Spike Lee Thinks Kevin Garnett Is A Jerk. Also, The Sky Is Blue And Water Is Wet.

KG really needs to just get popped in the mouth

One thing that we love around here is when someone, whether it's a fellow player, coach, analyst or fan, calls out Kevin Garnett for the weak-minded, pompous ass that he is.  And when someone does that, we love posting about it.

Look, you pretty much have to admit that Kevin Garnett is a big time asshole, no matter who you are.  Even if you're a Boston Celtics fan or a KG fan, I don't care.  You have to be delusional if you can't admit that Garnett is a jerk.  Some Celtic fans can admit it, and some cannot.  In fact, there is so much evidence of Garnett's antics out there, that you could probably start a whole website devoted to just how big of a jerk KG is.  And you would have something to write about most every day of the season.  Trust me, we've thought about it a time or two ourselves.  Someone has probably already beat us to the punch with that idea, actually.  But that is neither here nor there.

For an avid KG-hater, like we are, Spike Lee's interview with ESPN New York was like music to our ears.

And suddenly, Spike Lee seemed like much cooler of a guy to us.  This is what he says about the last time the Celtics visited Madison Square Garden:

Jay Cutler Is A Really Sharp Dresser

Not only is he terrible at acting like he's actually injured, he apparently fashions his wardrobe after homeless guys who live at the beach.  Either that or he was stuck at an old folks home, got some paint on the clothes he was wearing, and had nothing else to change into.

Because that is 100% an old lady sweater thingy that he's wearing in that pic.

By the way, it continues to blow our collective minds how Cutler nabbed a hottie like Miss Cavallari.  I guess money can make up for many things, including a really terrible-looking hair cut and an epic double chin (pictured below in all its glory).  Who knew?  I've got the double chin, now I just need the money.

Your Auburn Superfan Photo Of The Day

Boy, I sure wish the Ducks would have beat their asses in that game.  They deserved it for having fans that wear shorts that fit like this.

*Photo via Friendsoftheprogram.net*

Apparently, Hines Ward Likes To Dress Up

Unfortunately, the cowboy get-up looks like something Ward meant (?) to wear.  Your guess is as good as mine as to why.  It's a terrible, terrible look man.

What Is Your State Known For Being Good At?

On Tuesday, we posted a link to things that states sucked at.  Today, we have the United States of Awesome: What does your state do well?  This list isn't even close to as interesting at the bad stuff that states are known for, but it's still worth a look.

Naturally, for Oregon, its massive hippie population is represented well.  Good lord.  I'm going to go hug a tree or two now.

Your Crazy Photo (And Video) Of The Day

This photo is absolutely phenomenal.  It's pro surfer Mark Visser riding a 40-foot wave in the dark.  The video over at Deadspin is equally as awesome.  For me, the video is both fantastic and terrifying at the same time.  More terrifying than fantastic though, due to my extreme fear of dark, deep water.

I'm not even kidding.  Drop me in the middle of the ocean or a lake in the middle of the night, and I would die from a heart attack before I drowned.  I don't even like looking at dark water.  True story.

Anyway, just check out the video, people.

Alabama Lawmakers Waste Time And Money To Pass Some Stupid, Pointless Resolution Thingy

Not to pick on Auburn, but they just happen to have just won the BCS title this year.  This trend of passing pointless congressional resolutions regarding sports events has actually been around for quite some time. 

Lawmakers in Alabama passed a resolution honoring the Auburn Cam Newtons for winning the BCS national title this season.  They did it because, well, it's important, by golly.  Or something to that effect.

The much esteemed House Speaker Mike Hubbard, had this to say, "It's pretty significant to win a national championship."

Well that's a great reason to waste a bunch of time and a bunch of taxpayers' money, right?

''Auburn's thrilling victory was the culmination of a perfect season that garnered numerous team and individual awards for players and coaches, including National Coach of the Year honors for Coach (Gene) Chizik and the Heisman Trophy for Cameron Newton, perhaps the greatest offensive player in Auburn's rich football history," says the resolution.

None of that whole last paragraph means crap to anyone.  I just have to shake my head when I hear about stuff like this.  Seems about a dumb and pointless as giving Cam Newton his own holiday.

[ AL.com ]

Cam Newton Has His Own Day In Alabama Now

Apparently, they're giving out holidays like pretzels in the state of Alabama.

Governor Bob Riley has officially declared January 8th as "Cam Newton Day" in the State of Alabama.  He handed out the same honor (not sure what date exactly though) to Alabama running back Mark Ingram.

This seems pointless and stupid.  Are they going to still celebrate "Cam Newton Day" next year, when Newton has moved on to the NFL and to making money the legal way?  Are you supposed to give gifts on "Cam Newton Day", like with Christmas?  Are you supposed to have a family dinner on "Cam Newton Day", like Thanksgiving?  What is the proper etiquette for a day that honors a college football player who was good for one season?

I don't know how you're going to celebrate next "Cam Newton Day", but when January 8, 2012 rolls around, I think I might just give the ol' local community college a call and tell them if they want me to join the business school there, it'll cost them from $1,800 to $2,000 bucks.  Or better yet, I'll have my dad make the call for me.

[ ESPN.com ]

Does Deshawn Stevenson Really Have A Tattoo Of Abe Lincoln On His Throat?

Who knew that a tattoo of ol' Honest Abe (on his throat of all places, too!) could add to your street cred, but I guess it works for him.